January 10th, 2011
Its the first Sunday of the new year.. and I have been meaning to pen down a few thoughts for a while now.
As 2010 came to an end, I could not help but feel nostalgic about the year that has passed.
What a year it has been. Marriage, new home, new friends, a new outlook to life.
I just wanted to pen down a few things I have learnt and have been thankful for this past year and a few things I would like to improve on this coming year. I also wanted to restart my forgotten hobby of blogging. And so what better way to say my thanks and make promises than in this first blog of 2011.
I want to start with a few things I have learnt about myself.
I have learnt that I am constantly changing and every day, month and year I am learning new things about myself;
Some of which I am proud of, and some of which I am shocked to learn but accept with no judgment.
I have learnt that marriage, while difficult at times, is such a blessing for two people in love;
I have been very lucky that the person I am married to is one of the kindest, most laid back and calm/zen people I have ever known and a large part of the good qualities that I hope to make mine are actually his. And I am thankful to my stars for making him my closest teacher.
I am thankful that my family is always there for me and even though we do not speak every day, or see each other everyday, when trouble arises, I always have a childhood friend or a childhood home to run to and complain or cry my heart out and for that, I am ever so grateful. My brother and my parents have always been and will always be my anchors.
I am eternally thankful that the family I have married into has so readily made me one of their own. The many times when I have longed to have a big family closer to me is now fulfilled. I have inherited so many loving brothers, sisters, nephews and nieces that I know I will never feel lonely again. The sense of belonging to a strong network, getting to know each new member, bonding over time and to be there for one another in times of need. I am looking forward to all of these things.
I have learnt while it is true that the older you get, the more difficult it is to develop the kinds of friendships you could develop when you were younger, but it is not impossible. I am grateful for the new friends who have stumbled into my life randomly and stayed on to become people I turn to when I need a smile, laugh or a hug. Each one with a bigger heart than the next. Strangers who have introduced me to parts of me that I did not know of. Thank you.
I have also faced challenges in 2010, but most of it has been internal; dealing with challenges at work, insecurities, critiques but with each challenge, I have learnt to identify my weakness, control my instinct to judge, overcome my prejudice by understanding where these negative feeling come from and to take only the positive from critiques and leave the negative behind.
I am not perfect.
I slip time and again into habits I want to change about myself. Each challenge is bringing me closer to that place of eternal love and zen inside me. But reaching that place or staying there can be challenge, especially when there is turbulence and chaos inside that sweeps me away with each wave back to square one. But I am grateful to myself that after each slip, I get up and start moving towards that same peace.
2011 will be another year of big changes.
New job, new role, new things to learn, new hobbies to explore.
And I know that every so often, as I try and reach that place of eternal love; free of judgement, jealousy, insecurity; I will fall back into the same trap. But this I promise 2011 that I will never stop trying.
This is my resolution:
To be more zen, more often.
To love and not expect to be loved.
To learn new things, about me and about the world, and to accept it without judgment.
To expand my horizons, with the people I meet, and the company I keep and to accept each challenge and each critique without breaking down my faith in me.
These are high expectations.
And some of these will be very difficult, but like it has been said, always aim for the moon, even if you miss, you will land among the stars.
I hope you set high expectations for yourself that you can aspire to this year, every day.